Edinburgh Fringe: A Beginner’s Diary – DAY SIX

Day Six – 12/08/12

I don’t think anything happens this morning. I eat some salad, I think.

Everything Else Happened
A play built around the work of Jonathan Safran Foer – one of my favourite authors – so I pretty much have to go along. They are playing Beirut – one of my favourite bands – as I walk in, and I take this as a good sign. The play itself is more four mini-plays, set (as most JSF stories are) around the big and the small, the humdrum amazement of existence. I’m unsure as to whether I’d be enjoying it, though, if I weren’t already familiar with his novels. My favourite piece by far is the final mini-play, where a man representing JSF takes us through a presentation detailing the punctuation of different types of silence within the Foer family. □

Other Voices: Alternative Spoken Word Cabaret
I go along to this because Chella and Sarah are speaking, and only realise once I get there that it’s actually my friend Hannah’s night. HOW SMALL AND INCESTUOUS THE WORLD OF FEMINIST SPOKEN WORD IS. Anyway everyone is amazing. You know how, you know people, and then they’re doing a Thing on stage and you suddenly see them completely differently and become more  starkly aware of their interior lives? Well, that. I have a moment of that.

After the show, I find myself having a pint with a friend-of-a-friend, who suddenly and jarringly announces that she “just doesn’t find women that funny”.


I don’t even know how to respond to that. I mutter something like “Well, you must have not been going to see the right women…” and then leave it. In retrospect, I’m angry with myself – especially after I’d just sat through an hour’s worth of feminist poets being funny and witty and wonderful. In retrospect, I’m even angrier with her; it’s such a lazy opinion that cuts to the very quick of me. The only things that I really know about myself are that I am a FEMINIST and that I am FUNNY, and she managed to shit upon both of them in one fell swoop.

L’esprit d’escalier:

Clearly the best response when a women says that she “just doesn’t think women are very funny” is to break out into hysterical laughter and then say “that is HILARIOUS!!!”, thereby proving her wrong.

(The best response when a man says that he “just doesn’t think women are very funny” is to smack him in the cock whilst yelling “SLAPSTICK!!! SLAPSTICK!!!”)

Matthew Highton’s End of the Road
I’ve finally realised why this show wasn’t what I was expecting, and it’s because I was actually trying to go to Yianni’s Numb & Number show and ended up here by accident. “WHY ISN’T HE TALKING ABOUT NUMBERS”, I kept thinking, “THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE NUMBERS IN THIS SHOW. THIS DOESN’T SEEM AUTISTIC AT ALL, IT SEEMS MORE FORCED-WACKY. I MEAN THERE IS A DANCING ROBOT.” I leave half-way through, bewildered.

I eat a scotch pie. That’s just a pie with mince in. Not a mince pie. That is a different thing.

Then I go for some drinks with some friends in a PRIVATE BAR WOOO, which sounds a lot more exciting than it is, although at least there isn’t much of a queue to get served. I spend a happy evening being taught sign-language; I can now sign “Want a drink?” “I want a drink”, “Fuck off”, “I like your face”, “Want to fuck?” and “Where are the toilets?”


Shows seen: 3
New languages begun learning: 1
Threesomes asked if I want to take part in: 1
Threesomes taken part in: 0 😦


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